Post updated on April, 2018.
Cookie was introduced to potty training like any other child, by following me into the toilet every time I had to go. Once she started getting more curious about what I was doing in the restroom, we started talking about it.
We showed her how to use the toilet, we talked about what happens to the poop and pee and answered any questions she had. We let her learn how to use the bathroom at her own pace, no forcing, no training, we followed her cues and let her guide the process.
Like many of you, I have witness potty training amongst my friends and it’s such a hassle: accidents, kids feeling bad, having to carry a potty everywhere and several changes of clothes. But the worst part is that most children that start potty training before they are ready suffer from constipation and urinary tract infections. Unless your child needs to potty train to go to school, you should consider a child-led approach to potty training.
Potty learning means you let your child initiate the process on their own, instead of deciding when your child should be using the toilet and forcing them into it. They will start showing interest on using the toilet and you just support the process. You can encourage your child along the way but you don’t force them out of diapers until they are ready, and believe me, they will tell you once they’re done with diapers!
Potty learning is a process, it doesn’t happen overnight, and it can happen different ways. You are supporting your child in whatever way is best for them. The easiest way to do this is by listening to your child and following their cues. Your child WILL learn how to use the toilet, I can guarantee that. Maybe it won’t happen when you want it to happen, but it will happen when they’re ready.
The beauty of potty learning is that one day your children will be using the potty, just like that, without you having to deal with accidents or forcing it upon them. This is how it happened to me and how it has happened to my friends that followed this approach.
It was such an easy transition that I always tell everyone, if you can wait, just wait. It will be so much easier for everyone.
This post contains referral links.
7 reasons to practice child-led potty learning
You child will skip the potty and go straight to toilet
Changing diapers is already a hassle so why make it even harder by potty training with a potty? When your child is ready to use the toilet, they can go from diaper to toilet, skipping the potty. Get a potty seat (or a built-in potty seat) for your toilet that your child can use whenever they want to use the toilet.
We got a potty seat when my daughter was around 20 months old. We didn’t push her into using it, we just showed her how to use it and left it next to our toilet. At first she would just sit on it and not pee or poop, but eventually she started using it whenever she had to use the toilet.
Keep in mind that when a child is potty learning they go through a phase where they’re using diapers and at the toilet intermittently. This phase lasted several months for us, but it varies per kid. Your child will most likely start by using the toilet a few times a week, then go up to using it every day, and eventually they will stop using diapers all together.
I l love that my child learned how to use the toilet from the start because once my child was potty trained and we had to use a public restroom, she was fine using the toilet. I have a lot of friends who need to carry a potty, even when their kids are 5 years old, because they refuse to seat on a toilet, they only want the potty.
Your child learns to use toilet when they’re truly ready
You will know when your child is ready to start the potty learning process because they will want to sit on the toilet at home. I suggest you buy a potty seat when they’re around 18 months so whenever they start experimenting with seating on the toilet, you’re ready for it.
At around 28 months, my first child was using the toilet at home, and diapers when we went out. She started by peeing on the toilet at home but for while she would hide to poop in her diaper, even when we were at home. This is normal child behavior and if you’re following the potty learning process you should let your child use the toilet as they please. Remember, the amount of times they will use the toilet is going to vary a lot at the beginning.
My youngest child started the potty learning process sooner, at around 24 months, because she saw her older sister using the toilet and wanted to mimic her. At first she was just sitting on the toilet and pretending to poop but now, at 28 months, she uses the potty any time we’re home and she’s not wearing a diaper.
Speaking of diapers, if your child wants to walk around naked when they’re at home, let them. Most of the time when they’re naked they can feel if they pee on themselves, which makes them recognize when they have to use the toilet.
Your child won’t experience accidents because there’s no rush
Your child is not going to go to college in diapers, and unless they have to be potty trained for school, there’s no rush. If you’re staying at home with your children or have a caregiver watching them at home, don’t rush the process. Let them explore on their own because once they’re ready, the transition is quick, painless and accident free!
Remember that your child will learn how to use the toilet, it’s just a matter of when.
When your training a child that’s not ready to potty train the process might be painful and long. We have seen our friends potty train and having to deal with poopy accidents for months. This is hard on both the child and parents, so if you can avoid it, why wouldn’t you?
The older your child is, the more mental maturity they have, which makes it easier for them to understand better the whole potty concept and to understand that they shouldn’t “hold it”. We have many friends that took the child-led approach and ended up having an easy transition from diapers to toilet; with zero to minimal accidents and no resistance.
Your child will learn that it’s important to stop playing to use the toilet
A big sign that your child is not mentally ready to potty train is when they have accidents while they’re playing. If this is happening to you, this probably means your child is not ready to be walking around without diapers.
When toddlers are potty training before they are ready, potty accidents seem to happen a lot, especially when they’re having a good time playing. Think about, they don’t want to stop what they’re doing so they rather just pee or poop on themselves.
The problem with this is that sometimes they hold the pee and poop for too long because they don’t want to stop playing. This can cause all sorts of issues, from undetected constipation to urinary track infections. This can make the potty training process drag on for a long time because a constipated child, is a child that is in pain and tries to avoid the using the toilet.
Children also feel embarrassed when they have accidents in front of their friends; some kids even make fun of them. By practicing potty learning, your child will use the toilet when they’re mature enough to understand that they need to stop playing for a few minutes to go potty.
“Holding it” can cause serious health issues
There’s a lot of pressure from society to potty train your child by the time they are two years old, but what most people don’t know is that most children that potty train this early have serious constipation issues.
No one wants to stop doing whatever they’re doing to use the bathroom, and this is more obvious in children. Add to this the fact that most children don’t consume enough fiber and it’s a recipe for disaster. Most children start suffering from constipation, and most of the time it goes unnoticed.
Perhaps you’re thinking: My kid isn’t constipated — she poops every day. Well, many constipated kids poop regularly, even multiple times a day. Large poop masses in children typically go unnoticed because looser poop oozes by and finds a way out more easily than the hard stuff, giving the impression that the child has fully eliminated. (Source)
According to Steve Hodges, M.D., a Pediatric urologist:
Chronically holding poop, a problem exacerbated by Western kids’ low-fiber diets, compounds the damage. A mass of poop forms in the rectum, right behind the bladder, and can stretch the rectum from about 2 centimeters in diameter to 10 centimeters or more.
There’s only so much room in the pelvis, so the bladder gets squeezed out of the way and can’t hold as much urine. What’s more, the nerves controlling the bladder, which run between the bladder and the intestines, can get irritated when the intestines are enlarged, causing unexpected and unwanted bladder contractions — in other words, mad dashes to the toilet and accidents.
He also states that:
Chronically holding pee and poop also causes urinary tract infections. The less often a child pees, the more opportunity for infection-causing bacteria to creep up to her bladder. And if this kid is also hauling around a hefty load of poop, she’s harboring about a gazillion more times the bacteria than when her rectum has been emptied. Since the bladder is only a couple of inches from the rectum, the offending bacteria have a short trip to make, crawling through the perineal skin and into the vagina and the area around the urethra.
Dr. Hodges has written a very throughout post about his experience about a pediatric urologist that every parent should read – click here to read his post.
Dr. Bill Sears has also written a book all about poop that is great for both parents and kids to read together. It helps children understand all about why we poop, what happens when we poop and about foods we should be eating to have a healthy poop. Click here to check out the book.
Carrying a potty sucks
Ok, this might not be the most convincing reason but as parents we tend to carry so much in our bags: changes of clothes, wipes, snacks, water, wallet, toys, and the list goes on. Why make it harder by having to carry a potty everywhere you go?
The only way to avoid this is to let your child use the toilet at home when he’s ready. Once your child is used to the toilet at home he will have no problem using toilets outside the home.
If you train your child to use one of those stand alone potties, they will have a harder time transitioning to the toilet. In my experience, is best just to use the potty seat on top of your own toilet than have them use the stand alone potty. I have many friends who used the stand alone potty and are now stuck carrying it everywhere they go.
Since children have to seat on the toilet, I carry these toilet covers (you can also get a reusable silicone one) when we’re out and about. When they were younger, I carried this portable potty seat so they wouldn’t fall into the toilet.
Peeing and pooping in public lacks privacy
Potty training is not only hard on children but it’s also on the parents. Let’s say you’re out with a 2 year old you’re potty training, when they suddenly tell you they have to pee. You rush to find a spot, any spot, to set up the potty and have them go because they can’t hold it long enough for you to find a toilet.
Now while some kids don’t mind peeing and pooping in public, some do. My first born always hid when she was pooping in her diaper so the last thing I wanted to do is make her poop in public when she was clearly not comfortable with it.
If your child learns to use the toilet at home when he’s ready, then he can have all the privacy they need when he’s out. They will also be mature enough to let you know when they have to use the bathroom with enough time for you to actually make it to a public restroom.
Signs your child is ready to start the potty learning process:
Your child won’t wake up one day and say I’m going to use the toilet from now on. It is usually a process that can take a few days, weeks or months, depending on the child.
They will start by showing interest in different ways, such as:
- They’ll want to see you peeing and pooping and maybe look at what falls into the toilet
- They will ask to sit on the toilet
- They will ask for underwear
- They will start talking about poop
- They’ll take their stuffed animals to the potty
- They will want to walk around naked
Whichever way they should interest, encourage them to learn more about using the toilet and going to the potty.
Products to make potty learning fun:
Books:
Toys:
What underwear to buy for child-led potty training:
Both of my children started asking for underwear before they were ready to use the toilet, but if they asked for it, I took it as a cue that they were starting the process and got them underwear.
When it comes to underwear it’s best to stick to organic underwear, you don’t want harmful chemicals near your child’s penis or vagina.
Here are some of our favorite organic underwear brands:
The most important thing to remember is to be patient. I know it can be frustrating when everyone around you has a child that’s potty trained and yours isn’t… But, remember that by waiting until your child is ready, you’re making this transition so much easier for them, mentally and physically.
Did you potty train your child or did let them take the lead? How did it work out for you?
savannahkase says
Love the photo! We are definitely not pushing the potty training either. As you will soon find, having two kids in diapers is not much harder than one, and our son regressed from his interest in using the toilet as soon as he saw us making a fuss about changing his sister’s diapers.
Carolina says
Thanks! I love that photo too. She’s so silly.
I’ve heard from many moms that having the toddler in diapers was easier since they didn’t have to stop nursing to help them go potty/wipe them. So I’m glad to hear that from you too since I will have 2 in diapers soon. 🙂
ambermbates says
Oh, potty training! I’m so glad for you to hear that it’s going so well for you. Our daughter started potty training at about the same age. My husband and I didn’t think she was ready but her teacher at school (who had 20 more years of experience than we did) thought she was so we went with it.
In hindsight, she was ready to potty train at school but not at home. We didn’t know any better and pushed her more than we should have so, of course, she pushed back. It took about a year for her to decide that she wanted to use the bathroom at home and the whole time felt like one big fight (added to the terrible twos and some adoption/attachment stuff). Once she committed to doing it, it felt like a giant weight had been lifted off the whole family.
With my son, we’re not pushing anything. He’s mostly potty-trained now and we’ll get there eventually- so much easier this way!
Carolina says
Wow! That must have been rough. I’m trying to avoid all that struggle because my daughter is pretty stubborn so I’m sure she would give us a hard time if we tried pushing it. I’m glad it all worked out for you! 🙂
Anonymous says
The best part is when the cookie runs around the house naked yelling “NAKED BABY!!!”
Carolina says
Hahahaha! Yes!!!
Amy says
These are great tips! This is exactly how we’re going about it too!
Carolina says
Awesome! Let me know how it goes for you.
Jessica Dimas says
I just love her face in that pic, so precious. I think you guys are making the right decision. It’s so much easier to follow their cues. I was always told boys were nightmares to potty train but as you know it was the easiest thing for us since we didn’t force it.
Carolina says
Haha! Yes! I just had to use this pic. She’s so silly!
You were one of my inspirations for going this route. After I saw how easy it was for you, it reenforced what I believed and gave me the confidence to do it this way. Thanks!
Mama Thyme says
Yup. This is what we are doing. For M it just happened. I still put her in pull ups at night but they seem to be phasing out as well.
We do all the things you’ve listed by chance it would seem. I did buy her a step stool so she can access the toilet whenever she needs it. We also got super fun underwear that she wanted. She proudly tells me from time to time “I’m potty training.” I think she got that term from daycare.
Carolina says
That’s so awesome that it went so great for you and that she’s already fully potty trained. I’m hoping it won’t be too long for us. Cookie’s poops are so stinky! Haha!
Carrie says
I attempted to potty-train my older son a few times, but he just wasn’t ready. Lots of accidents, tears, and confusion for him. Accidents actually scared him because he was/is very mess conscious and he wasn’t mature enough to put it all together. He’d get so upset! So we waited and one day he was just ready and HE initiated it. It was HIS task that he wanted to do, and that made all the difference. We still had an accident here and there, but the difference was he wanted to learn and understood. I love taking diapers off our budget asap, but I think it’s so much better and easier to just wait until they are ready rather than force it because we want it or so-and-so is already potty trained. We’ll be waiting with his brother until he is ready 😉
Carolina says
This is so great to hear! Makes me realize it is truly the way to go. I’m so happy things went so well with your kid and that learning to go potty ended up being an easier thing for him.
Brittany says
how old was your son when he decided to use the potty on his own?
Lorey Lyons says
I love this, and have started doing something similar with my 10-month-old! She LOVES going to the potty after mommy or big sister- so we ALWAYS let her. Anytime she asks! We also give her special rewards afterwards so she knows we approve. With my two older kids it was a struggle! But I felt like because other kids were potty trained by a certain age, mine should be too. Not that I’ve been at the Mom thing for 7 years I’ve come to realize I don’t care 😉 As long as my baby feels safe and confident then I’m happy! Their timing is God’s timing!
Carolina says
That’s so great to hear! I believe kids do better when we let them do things on their own terms. 🙂
I’m so happy it’s working for you and it’s impressive your 10 month old is already interested in it. Having siblings must be a great inspiration.