In the last few months a lot of my friends have shared the awesome news of their pregnancy. I have pregnant friends both in Costa Rica and in the US and I’ve noticed that when they announce their pregnancy is a cultural thing.
All of my Costa Rican friends announced their pregnancy as soon as they found out. I saw on Facebook a home pregnancy test picture or a picture of their blood work results. They weren’t even 6 weeks along when they shared the news.
All my US friends shared their pregnancy news anytime between 13-20 weeks.
(I’m not saying all Costa Ricans or Americans do it this way but this is what I’ve personally experienced.)
Why do my American friends wait to announce their pregnancy?
The main reason is because they don’t want to announce it too early due to the possibility of having a miscarriage. I too had this fear and announced my first pregnancy when I was about 12 weeks.
Miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy in the first 20 weeks. About 10 to 20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and more than 80 percent of these losses happen before 12 weeks. Source.
But what if you announced your pregnancy early and end up having a miscarriage? I think if I were to announce my pregnancy as soon as I found out and had a miscarriage I would find support in all my family and friends.
Miscarriage is a very common thing that no one talks about but it should be something we talk more about because it is common and because if it were to happen to us we can find support in a mom that has gone through it. If we keep the pregnancy to ourselves we might not have a chance to talk to this mom about our loss since she probably kept it to herself too.
The more I think about it, the less I believe that a fear for miscarriage should be the reason for you to keep the pregnancy to yourself for a while, especially if you’re very excited about it and want to share the joy.
I’m not saying we should share it with every single person we know but our close friends and family is a start. Those first weeks of pregnancy are rough: you’re usually tired all the time and very nauseous. If your group of close people knew about it they could help you with meals or maybe watching your kid so you can nap.
For my second pregnancy, I announced that I was pregnant when I was about 8 weeks and two weeks later I had a huge bleed. I thought I had lost the baby but turns out I had a subchorionic hemorrhage. The next 8 weeks were really rough on me and I’m thankful I had announced my pregnancy early because I had the support of my friends and family.
Ultimately it’s your choice and you should announce your pregnancy when you feel it’s right but you might find that having that support from early on is really helpful.
When did you announce your pregnancy?
Are you pregnant? Check out my pregnancy section and:
Cheri says
For us in the US, I believe it is a fear of miscarriage. I suffered through four miscarriages and could never carry it through full term. So, I am in agreement, to wait until you have reached the first trimester. But on a lighter note, I love ALL my nieces and nephews and they are the light of my Life! Thanks for sharing on the #SHINEbloghop this week!
Carolina says
I’m so sorry for your losses. I can’t imagine what you went through. I’m glad you’re bleSsed with your nieces and nephews. ❤️
Thanks for stopping by.
Chelsea @ The Contented Wife says
Interesting post. My husband and I announced my pregnancy to family at 7-8 weeks and everyone else at around 12 weeks, and it was mainly because we wanted to be done with the first trimester too. We also enjoyed having a little secret that no one else knew about. 🙂 You’re right though, if we were more open with it, we would have more support than having to bear the burden alone. I’m not sure what we’ll do with our next pregnancy…I can see the benefit of announcing early, but I also like keeping it a secret for a little while too. 🙂
Carolina says
I think it really depends on what makes you feel comfortable and if you like having that little secret for a while, then you should.
I’m not sure when I’m going to announce my pregnancy once it happens but next time I won’t let fear decide for me.
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says
I’ve had two miscarriages. My first one, I announced we were pregnant at six weeks and we lost the baby at 8 weeks. My second miscarriage I didn’t announce I was pregnant and I had the miscarriage at nine weeks.
The second miscarriage was far more painful because no one knew how I was suffering in silence. Only my husband knew. It was devastating.
That being said with both my girls, I waited. My first daughter, we announced at 12 weeks and my second we announced at about 16 weeks when we heard her heart beat.
Thanks for sharing.
xoxo
Carolina says
Wow Jen! I didn’t know you went through 2 miscarriages. What saddens me is that most women go through miscarriages and they end up suffering alone…and that’s wrong. A baby is a baby and it hurts, no matter when it happens.
I’m glad you were blessed with your girls – they’re amazing!
Jessica says
I have mixed results on my Facebook page! My Mexican SIL hasn’t announced hers yet because she had a miscarriage a couple of years ago, so I think she didn’t want to announce it early like she did last time. And then I have several American friends, like my midwife, who will announce it as soon as they find out. I wouldn’t want to announce it on Facebook because if I did have a miscarriage, I wouldn’t want the attention of people I don’t see on a daily basis, if that makes any sense. I tell everyone in my family I’m pregnant right away, but I hold off for Facebook.
Carolina says
I think I would probably do the same. Although I’ve done a cleaning of my facebook friends…I’d still prefer to tell people in person at the beginning and announce on Facebook later on. Maybe when I have a cute sonogram waving “hi”. Hahaa!
Mama Thyme says
Goodness! I couldn’t agree more. Tell early… Get support when you need it. Suffering in isolation is awful.
Carolina says
It truly is! 🙁
Charlee says
For our first, we waited to announce to anyone (except my boss) until I was 11 weeks. I have also noticed that in my husband’s family and friend circle, they announce almost right after they find out themselves. Now I understand why. 🙂 I waited for the reason of a possible miscarriage, even though it’s not like I was likely to have one. Then for our second, we announced about a week after we found out (so 7 weeks) because we were living with my parents and it was hard to hide that I was nauseous every day!
Carolina says
Oh I didn’t even think about it until now but having to hide a pregnancy is though. I had pretty bad morning sickness, if you were close to me you knew something was up! So I get why you had to tell your parents right away. 🙂
Susannah says
I’m much more on the side of telling early. If I were to miscarry I would definitely want people to be there to support me and they wouldn’t be able to if they didn’t know.
Carolina says
After writing this post I’ve talked to several moms about this and the more I talk about it, the more I realized that I would also want that support. 🙂
Rachel G says
My Aunt and my Sister in law both had babies last year–the Sister in law told us the day she found out, my Aunt waited till over 12 weeks. I think there might be a difference in habits of telling) even between generations (my aunt is 20 years older than my sil)! I have noticed younger moms in the us announcing very early. For me, I think I’d like keeping it a secret for a while–I like keeping secrets and surprising people. One of my friends has 4 kids, and never shows until very late in pregnancy, she’s kept the secret up past 5 months to everyone!
Carolina says
Interesting! I didn’t think about it being a generational thing…but it makes sense. I do get wanting to keep it a secret for a while and especially if you can pull it off. I was throwing up so much everyone around me found out quickly.