When I was pregnant I remember wondering how life would be once my second baby was born. I was a little worried about my toddler and wondered how she would handle it. I also stayed up many nights thinking how I was going to manage a baby and a toddler. I kept telling myself women have been doing this for centuries and that I would figure it out but the thought of it still kept me up at night.
I asked several of my friends how the transition was for them and the answers varied a lot, from it was easy to it was very hard for about a year. It made me realize it is different for every mom; so only when I had my baby I would find out if it was going to be easy or hard for me…
Now that I’m three months in I’d like to share my experience with you. As you may know from following my blog I’m into attachment parenting, which also means I don’t practice “crying it out” and I like to keep my babies close to me when they’re little. I’m also a stay at home and I live in a very expensive part of the country which means we can’t justify having me staying at home and hire help so I knew I would be on my own very soon after this baby came.
I wondered many nights how I would be able to manage a toddler while holding a baby almost 24/7 so if you’re wondering too I hope that this post will give you confidence. Although my experience might not be the same for you, it might be and this post might give you hope. 🙂
My husband and I decided we wanted our kids close together because neither of us had siblings close in age growing up and we feel that we missed out on that special sibling bond. Granted, having that bond or not depends mostly on the kid’s personalities but we thought closeness in age would probably help. So when my first daughter, let’s call her Cookie, was about to turn 2, I found out I was pregnant with our second, let’s call her Jelly. That meant that by the time Jelly was born our toddler was 2 year and 9 months old.
The first two weeks of Jelly’s life my mother came to stay with us to help us out and that made a huge difference. If you can have family help you out, then let them help you and for as long as they can. You will need that extra help, especially with meals and having someone play with the older child.
I was so tired those first two weeks that having my mom take care of my toddler was a relief. I was able to spend most of my time bonding with the baby, nursing and taking a few naps with the baby. When my toddler needed time with me my mom held the baby so I could play with her. If I could have had my mom for more than 2 weeks I would have but unfortunately she had to go back to work.
By the time the first 2 weeks were over I wasn’t feeling so tired and I was ready to tackle having 2 kids with occasional help from my husband. This baby seemed to be easier than my first in the sense that I could put her in a swing, we have the Mamaroo
From week 2-4 I felt like I had this down. I was going out a little, cooking most meals and taking care of both kids but then between weeks 5-7 I had a breakdown. I started feeling that it was really hard, really really hard and I felt lonely. All of my family lives abroad (because I’m from Costa Rica and that’s where they are) and my husband was trying to help me as much as he could but he also has to provide for us and couldn’t be there 24/7.
I was trying to stay positive but I thought I was drowning. Then one day I broke down and told my husband and my midwife that I was having a hard time. After that conversation I felt like a big weight got off my shoulders and I started feeling better. I was back to having a positive attitude and things were starting to look better. Having a positive attitude really goes a long way, especially when you’ve hit a rough patch.
By then Jelly did not like the car seat and she would only stand to be in the swing for very short periods, which meant I was holding her almost all the time. This is when I started babywearing on a daily basis. I honestly don’t know how I could have managed both kids without babywearing.
Driving was hard because Jelly would cry a lot I started going to places where I could walk to because I could babywear. We went a lot to playgrounds, took walks around the neighborhood or to our downtown. After all, my toddler still needed to be active and use all her energy so staying at home wasn’t an option.
Now things are going pretty well. It is not perfect though. I drink coffee daily and I probably wouldn’t survive without it because I’m tired. Sometimes my toddler misses a nap because I can’t put the baby down long enough to get the toddler to nap. Other times my toddler watches more TV than I would like because the baby is nursing a lot and only naps being held. I have moments where I feel guilty because I’m not giving enough attention to Cookie nor Jelly. A few days a week my husbands brings lunch or dinner because I didn’t find the time to cook. Our house sometimes looks like it’s been hit by a tornado. There are many times I think of how much easier it would be if my parents lived close by… But the majority of days we do ok and we all feel happy – most of the time.
The transition from 1 to 2 kids is not easy but it’s not horribly hard, it’s just different and it takes time to adjust and figure it out. Handling the second baby feels easier than what it felt when I had my first. This time around I knew what the baby needed, what it was like and what to expect, so overall I was more relaxed with the baby. I feel my biggest challenge was -and still is- managing my toddler while having the baby and a baby that wants to be constantly held. So if you can get help, use it.
Going from 1 to 2 is challenging but it’s doable. I don’t have all the answers yet and I’m not a perfect mom but I feel like I can do this and I feel more comfortable having 2 kids now. My life feels right and I know as the girls grow we will have to adjust and go through many different phases but now I’m confident enough to know that we will manage somehow.
When we have a bad day I just remind myself that this too shall pass and that tomorrow will be a better day. Don’t feel bad if you get overwhelmed or have a bad day, we’ve all been there – it’s normal. If you’re about to have your second and are also worried about this transition, give yourself some time. It takes a little while to adjust but I promise, you will find a way, you will adjust and it will feel right…and don’t forget, there’s always tomorrow to try again. 🙂
How did you cope going from 1 to 2 kids? Any advice for expecting moms?
Read my sequel to this post by clicking on the image:
Thank you so much for posting this. Every word you have written down is my life right now, even down to your mom staying for two weeks. Mine are 2 1/2 and 2 months. And it has been challenging but easier in a way than my first. I’m just glad to know that I’m not the only mom who’s kid is watching a ton a tv.
Hi Sarah! You are definitively not alone. We have some really good days and some not so good ones but one thing is for sure: as the baby gets older it gets easier and easier having two kids.
Congrats on your new baby! 🙂
Going from 1 to 2 in June, 15 month age gap. Thank you so much for writing this! Thanks your being real as I lay here at almost 2 am, feeling little baby kick and listen to older baby’s white noise machine. I’m so encouraged by your words! We will make it through this, we will enjoy ourselves along the way. God will still be good. Enjoy your littles!
Hannah you got this! There will be hard days but so many amazing moments that it’ll be worth it. I was so worried about it but now that my girls are almost 4 and 1 I know I made the right decision to have them when I did. You will figure it out, just listen to your mama instincts.
Im 6 months pregnant with a boy and im so nervous about having enough time for my toddler. She is my world, I just adore her and shes pretty clingy. I am so worried she will feel left out or replaced. Any other mammas feel that way?
Heather, I feel the same way during my pregnancy and it kept me up many night. What I found is that my oldest loved feeling important and being a part of the process so once the baby arrived she would help me pick clothes, hand me wipes, show the baby toys, etc and we would snuggle a lot. There will be days when things aren’t going the way you want them to but you’ll get the hang of it.
One thing that I try to do is spend alone time with my oldest if I’ve been with the baby a lot. Sometimes the baby is with us but I’m playing with her and a game she wants to play. It makes her feel special. 🙂
You got this mama! You will find your way and what works best for your family – just listen to your instincts.
I just recently gave birth to my second child and have a two year old. I have had the same worries since getting pregnant and I already feel the guilt of not giving all my time and attention to my toddler. Reading this gave me reassurance that I can do this and not feel guilty when we don’t have good days. Right now I’m getting into the swing of having a newborn again. My hubby and mother in law help a lot with my toddler but once they go back to work it will be all me. I will take it one day at a time and trybto stay positive!
All you can do is take it one day at a time – some days will be better than others.
I really feel the beginning was the hardest but then you get into a good flow and are able to manage two. Hang in there mama! You got this! ❤️
I just found this even though you posted in 2015, thank you for being real and showing real struggles. I am going through the same right now. Except I have a 12 yr old, 1 1/2yr old and 3 month old (all girls). Even though the oldest is at school 5 days a week. I still find it hard with my toddler and worry if I’m spending enough time with her, but I think as the months go on, we are getting used to our new normal. Good luck to all the new moms out there. I wanted to use a moby or boba wrap but ended up using a carrier, what kind do you use if it’s a wrap or carrier?
I think when you have kids close together you always wonder if you’re giving each one enough time since they’re so demanding when they’re little but I think that’s just part of being a good mom. You’ll find your new normal soon, just don’t be too hard on yourself.
I used a Vienna Springs ring sling for a while but once my baby was big enough I mostly used a baby carrier too. I use kinderpack and Tula.
Congrats on the new baby!
thank you for your thoughts. Going from 1 to 2 in October 23 months apart and I’m terrified. I also practice attachment parenting and my toddler and I are very close. This helped put me at some ease about the chaos that is coming our way.
Congrats on your little one!! I was too nervous too and although some nights were rough, we did just fine! I find that practicing attachment parenting made it easier because we co-slept with both kids and snuggled a lot when my second was a baby. You got this mama!
I love this! I’m a mama of a beautiful 14 month old girl whom I adore. She is my absolute world. Her father and I both do not have siblings and we want our girl to grow up with a sibling so we go for our second IUI hopefully in the next week or so! I am terrified to share my time with my girl with a newborn but I love what you said about it being different for everyone and we’ll get the swing! I’m an attachment parent also and this one just now started to be better in the car seat. She still prefers naps in my arms and she’s nice and close at bedtime. I’m exciting for the journey to a mama of 2 but also nervous!!
Thank you for writing this article. Helps my anxiety some about having my second this close to my first, due December 2022, they will be 13 months apart. I agree with not letting them cry it out, it hurts to hear my 11month old cry so much when his dad puts him to sleep.